Anywhere but here
by the-beginning-of-the-end
Summary: Spock is taking some advice on friendship too far, and frankly, Jim has had enough.


EDIT (25/10/2010): I didn't intend to write anything here, but I am beginning to question the maturity and thought processes of some readers.

Yes, this is romance. No, it is not some lovey-dovey happily ever after story. It does not state in the summary or anywhere that it is Kirk and Spock getting together as some people seem to think it does. However, if you pay attention, you'll see TOS!K/S. I'm not anti-anything, but it really sounds like some people think that.

Please do not go into this expecting to read something that was never mentioned in the summary.

Any feedback is appreciated.

* * *

Jim sighed and lent back against the wall. The harsh fluorescents of the _Enterprise_ made him close his eyes and the air vents above his head moved his hair ever so slightly. Why did this always happen to him? Just when he thought everything was good, something _–someone-_ had to go and throw a spanner in the works.

"Jim."

A hand clamped down on his shoulder and his eyes shot open. He looked quickly to his left before letting out a breath he didn't realise he was holding.

"Shit, Bones, don't do that."

Leonard raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Bit twitchy there. What's your problem?"

Jim shook his head and glanced at the corner of the hall before turning his gaze onto the ceiling. Maybe they could set up a sound system through the halls. Something to cancel out the hum of lights and machinery. "I don't have a problem."

Leonard walked down to the corner and looked around it. Ah.

"You have a problem. And stop trying to avoid it," he said before Jim could open his mouth to protest. "You'll give yourself an ulcer."

Jim started. "An ulcer?"

"Yes, Jim, an ulcer. So stop stressing yourself out." Leonard moved back over to him and nodded his head in the direction he'd arrived. "My office. Talk."

"I don't feel like it."

Leonard growled and latched a hand onto Jim's elbow. "And I don't care. Now, walk."

Jim pulled a face but let himself be pulled down the hall, humming an old earth song quietly, deciding that a sound system wouldn't be so bad.

* * *

"You need to talk to him," Leonard said as he poured two glasses of Saurian Brandy. He passed one over to Jim and took a seat. "Hiding isn't doing anyone any favours."

Jim scowled and studied his glass. "And how exactly do you suggest I do that? It's not like I can go up to him and be all like 'hey, you know how you have this crush on me? Yeah, stop it; it's creepy'."

Leonard snorted. "Yeah, you could. But make sure I'm there; I'd hate to miss that."

"You're a bastard." Jim took a gulp of the brandy. "What am I meant to do, Bones? How am I meant to have that conversation with him?" He rested his forehead on the desk and closed his eyes.

"Very carefully?" Leonard suggested, earning a low moan from his friend. "Look, I know it will be as awkward as all hell, but what you're doing at the moment is just pathetic. You're the captain, dammit, and this is stopping you from doing your job properly."

"I can do my job just fine."

"Not when you're hiding from your first officer, you can't." Leonard studied Jim's hunched shoulders and sighed. "This needs to be addressed, and if you won't do it, I'll do it for you."

Jim's head shot off the desk. "No, you can't."

Leonard shrugged and swilled his drink. "As your doctor, I can." He glanced at his blank computer screen and cleared his throat. "Can't say I'm too thrilled at the idea though. It's not a conversation I ever imagined having to have."

Jim cringed and swallowed what was left of his drink. "No, you don't have to. I'll just do it." He shook his head. "I'll just do it."

* * *

Jim wrung his hands together and glanced at the door. He didn't want it to open. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to ever be put in this situation again.

It'd started with small things; a lingering look here, an accidental touch of skin there. He hadn't paid it too much attention at first. They worked closely together, the job demanded it, so it wasn't a big deal. It didn't matter.

Right up until Bones began to notice. _That_ had started with the odd smart arse comment but didn't take long before the doctor was showing his concern. But as far as Jim knew, no one else had noticed. And if they did, they weren't saying anything.

"Captain."

With that one word, Jim died a little inside. He didn't want to do this.

"You asked to see me?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just come in," he said, gesturing with his hand absently. He kept his eyes carefully fixed on his shoes. The door slid shut with a deafening woosh.

_Don't want to be here, don't want to do this, don't want to be here._

Spock stepped closer and waited, hands clasped behind his back. "What is it that you want to discuss with me?"

Jim knew that if he had a mirror, his face would resemble that of a strangled cat. "Spock," he saw Spock straighten out of the corner of his eye, "we need to talk."

"Indeed. I had assumed that is why you asked me here."

Shit. There really would be no easy way to do this.

"We work well together, right?" Jim asked, walking over to a chair and sitting down, hunched over with his head in his hands.

"That is correct."

Jim chuckled and shook his head. "You're not looking to make this easy on me, are you?" He sighed and lifted his head to look sideways at Spock. "Look, I know where the whole thing is coming from, believe me I do, but it's out of line."

Spock frowned. "I'm not sure I am aware at what you are referring to, Captain."

Jim clenched his eyes shut and took a breath. _Anywhere but here, anywhere but here_. He opened his eyes. "I can't believe I'm saying this," he muttered to himself, borderline hysterically. "Spock, you need to stop flirting with me."

Spock blinked. In that moment, Jim hated his Vulcan half. Why wouldn't he _do_ something? Anything that would let Jim know he wasn't crossing the line.

"I do not understand."

Jim laughed and got to his feet. "Of course you don't. Because that would mean having some knowledge of your emotions." He strode across the room and came to a halt in front of Spock. He thrust a finger at his first officer's chest. "The sooner you stop pretending you don't know what I'm talking about, the sooner we can move past this."

Spock raised an eyebrow and inclined his head. "Indeed, Captain." He took a step forward and brought his hand up.

Jim flinched as the Vulcan's fingers brushed his face. He closed his eyes as the fingers traced his jaw line. "Spock …"

He's way too close, Jim realised with a start. He could feel breath on his face and all he could see in his mind was a pair of dark eyes. His fists clenched.

"No, this is way too weird," he mumbled, quickly stepping away. He watched as Spock's hand dropped back to his side and cringed inwardly when he saw the look of pain flash across Spock's face.

"I apologise, Captain. I was under the impression that-"

Ah, shit.

"You were, were you? Tell me, Spock, where exactly did you get that impression from? I'm pretty certain that I've never even given the slightest hint that I'm interested in that sort of relationship with you."

"Captain-"

Jim shook his head. "Shit. I'm not him. And we're … we're not them, Spock. I don't know what he told you, but I know what I saw and yeah, sure, maybe I did want to have someone like he did, someone to have that sort of relationship with, but that someone isn't you, Spock."

He saw Spock sag slightly and he hated himself, but kept talking for fear that if he stopped, he'd never start again.

"It never has been. It never will be. We'll be friends, partners, I'll do anything to save your life, but I can't be that Jim Kirk because I'm not him, and you're not the same Spock, and I don't want anything more than what we already have."

Spock nodded. "Is that everything, Captain?"

Jim cringed. "Spock, don't-"

"No," Spock shook his head, "I understand. It was foolish of me to believe that we are anything like our counterparts. Illogical, even. We have, after all, been brought together under different circumstances." His eyes narrowed slightly. "As is the case with the rest of the crew."

He's talking about Bones, Jim noted numbly. Of course he is. _I've always been …_

"You're jealous of Bones," Jim stated, blinking. He laughed at the absurdity of the thought. "I can't believe you're actually jealous of Bones."

Spock snarled and Jim stepped back, startled by the human ferocity of the action. "Why is it that hard to comprehend? Any potential suitor would be deterred by your closeness with Dr McCoy."

"But Bones is … shit, Bones is _Bones_."

"Indeed. And when you say you are alone, he is always there with you. You should understand that it is illogical to say you are alone when you are not."

"Being with Bones is the same as being alone. Me and Bones … we're, we're complicated. Actually, shit, we're not complicated. We're just the same person."

Spock's face had gone back into neutral. He nodded. "And that is why one would be jealous of him." He straightened his work shirt. "If that is all, Captain, I must be going."

Jim nodded and walked to the door. He pressed the open button lightly. "Sure, Spock. I'm glad we got everything cleared up." It was about as clear as a broken mirror, but neither of them made comment.

"Good evening, Captain."

"Good evening, Spock."

And the door slid shut with a deafening woosh.

* * *

"Jim?"

He perched himself on the corner of the doctor's desk, his hands splayed behind him and his head tipped back, exposing his throat.

"I talked to him."

"And?"

Jim sighed and closed his eyes. "And we sorted it."

"Feel better now?"

"Mmm."

Bones smirked and reached over to give Jim a couple of quick pats on the cheek. Jim cracked open an eye and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. There was curiosity written all over his face.

"Proud of you, kid."

Jim frowned. "Don't call me 'kid'."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "It's weird."

"Talking with Spock makes you think too much. You might want to watch that. You might have an aneurism or something."

Jim laughed and swung his legs. "You just don't want the added work."

"I just don't need the heart attack."

Jim closed his eye again and smiled. "Cheers, Bones."

"Anytime, Jim."


End file.
